Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
