I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
