i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
