I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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