So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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