My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
