Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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