It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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