you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
