yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it glows. i had to have it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
