So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
