don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
