Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
