she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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