someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
