I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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