It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
