Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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