no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
