I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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