look no pants
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
