No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
