can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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