All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
