do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
