My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
