Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
