i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
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No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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