If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We have started to decorate penises.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
me + whiskey = a bad person
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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