so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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