Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
