Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
