i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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