I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
