She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
