Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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