He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
