i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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