I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
