I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've blown a few things in my day
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
