come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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