Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
