I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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