I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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