Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
