That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
