I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
