I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
