now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
