you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
