thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
