God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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