he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
