They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
