I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
