I will die if light touches me.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We're too hungover to prance.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
