bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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