I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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