I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I will die if light touches me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
