How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
