True but thats because hes a fetus.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
