I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
